Friday, March 23, 2007

Billy Ivey's Open Letters to Trojan, Part 2

08-07-06
Dear Trojan…
She went to bed at 9:00 PM and I got to fold clothes, clean the kitchen and vacuum the living room.

I’m just sayin’.

*****

08-08-06
Dear Trojan…
I just thought you’d like to know that she threw up on the couch. She didn’t just throw up, while on the couch. She literally threw up…on the couch.

I hope you die.

*****

08-10-06
Dear Trojan…
Well, the saga continues…. I passed gas last night, and she kicked me out of the house. That’s right, she told me I could come back inside when I could “learn to not be so gross.”

You’ve even taken that from me, you sonsabitches.

*****

08-17-06
Dear Trojan…
Thanks to you, I evidently do not do anything to “help out around the house” these days. In fact, just this morning, I was yelled at through tears because the dishes I washed last night hadn’t been put away.

Yes, that’s right. The dishes THAT I WASHED were left on the counter all night long.

They were DRYING, you miserable sacks of ineffective crap!

Thanks.

1 comment:

Alanna Latham said...

I love your blog, Michelle. It makes me laugh.

Sadly, something similar to the last scenario actually happened between me and Michael last night:
Me: Where's the phone book?
Michael: In the living room
Me: What's it doing in the living room?
Michael: I was USING it
Me: Well why didn't you put it back? That's how the house gets messy, when you use something and don't put it back!
Michael: Why are you harping on one little thing instead of noticing all the other stuff I did like the dishes?
Me: I am NOT harping